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Old Lessons

Over the centuries we human beings have all too often believed ourselves to be infallible. Convinced that we have arrived at a perfect knowledge of truth, a mastery of the universe, we have continually been confounded by the ultimate reality of our ignorance. With each generation, we have always come to know that beyond our grasp lies a greater complexity than our forefathers were able to imagine. History has wearily repeated to us the same lessons. Time and again, we have flown too close to the sun. However, this age-old paradigm has finally been broken.

Here is a research project unrivalled in history. Never before has our species been able to fuse its finest minds into a collective expression of the human brain. Now, digital technology has allowed a meshing of intelligence awesome in its scope. The truths that are revealed tower as giants above the insignificant brilliance of their discoverers.

Computer software designed to deal with the principles of chaos in weather systems and the formation of galaxies has been applied to our own electronic universe - the teeming network of computers that now spans the globe. This vast ocean of information has been charted by programs capable of calculations that would exhaust the lifework of a million geniuses.

At the heart of the project lies CIAD - the Centre for Integration of Accumulated Data. The centre was initiated by a group of software specialists working on a superior search engine for scientific research purposes. However, they began to suspect that they had stumbled upon something of far greater significance. In response to this impulse, the international scientific community worked to establish CIAD. And the suspicions proved to be true.

CIAD processes data in collaboration with a number of specially-established pan-national bodies, including:

• An international cross-discipline working-group of scientists;

• The World Forum of Human Psychology, linked to a virtual congress of anthropologists from over 200 universities;
• The Philosophy and Art Random Data Analysis Project (PARDAP).

Millions of experts have silently offered the fruits of their learning. Many more millions of ordinary individuals have unknowingly contributed. And the sea of human wisdom has been distilled to a single drop.

What follows are the findings of CIAD. Although the original raw data is relatively abstract, it can readily be converted into a functional methodology. (You are about to read my version, but others have independently developed almost identical models.) It is so straightforward that it can easily be applied to everyday living, profoundly enhancing the human experience.

You can benefit in all realms of life:

• Work, school, and home

• Sport and leisure

• Private and public sector management
• Love, sex, and personal relationships
• Career and holiday planning

People around the world are already putting the methodology into practice with astonishing results. I can personally testify to its effectiveness. However, there is no need for you to take my word for it. Carry out your own experiments.

Before we move on to the detailed section, here is the central principle of my methodology.

There are 10 systems I use every day. According to the correct system, I take appropriate action. This gives me complete control in all areas of life.

Below you'll find an overview of the ten systems that embody the ten ultimate truths of human existence, as discovered by CIAD. Of course, if you choose to become a member, you'll be able to access full explanations, with true-to-life working models and learn-through-play practice modules.

Why are all my personal relationships so successful? They’re successful because I constantly monitor my r-factor. Here is how to work out the r-factor of a relationship:

Take the length of your personal relationship in years (l)

Multiply by the number of intimate moments per month (i)

Divide by the number of disagreements per month (d)

So:

That’s fact.

Why not try it out straight away? Think of a friend, take a piece of paper, and just work it out. If your

r-factor is higher than 10, your relationship is successful. If it drops below 5.....

Sit down together, have a beer , give each other a present.

(I never let my r-factor go lower than 15. And I always keep a calculator in my pocket.)

Here are summaries of the other systems, and the appropriate action for each of them:

Income divided by I.Q. equals number of friends.

Air pressure on an object is one-fifth its value in dollars.

The sky above you is nine times bigger than the visible ground.

The number of calories you need equals the length of time you feel hungry, squared.

© Private Thoughts in Public Places 1998