Secret House
(Code Street)

and the way you always used to embarrass me in front of my friends but secretly, I loved it
and the way you always used to get so excited about cooking especially baking cakes and jam tarts
and the way you used to love chocolate, the dark plain chocolate was the one you liked most
and the way that you liked men's clothes more than women's, you also liked power suits but I guess it was the '80s
the way that your room was always a comfortable mess and once every few months you would have a huge spring clean and throw away loads of stuff you would regret later
and the way you were always able to include or exclude Francis in our activities as you wished
and the way you would always write stuff down, you wanted to write a book and tried a few times too
and the way you were always singing and knew all the words to loads of songs
and the way you like alcoholic drinks but I could never remember you ever being drunk
and the way that you always had lots of really close friends who cared about you
and the way that you would always have long conversations and discussions with dad
and the way that you have a few battles with mum that mum still remembers painfully even now
and that christmas when everything was so bad, you made it the best christmas ever, so many presents which were exactly what I wanted
and the way that we would chat on the phone for ages about nothing when you only lived five minutes away
the way it was so great to have another place to stay when things got too heated at home
and the way the you always gave me encouragement with my school work and even went to some of my parents' evenings when both mum and dad were at work
and how you loved my art work and music even though these were things you would have liked to have done also
and the way you would always bring back really interesting presents whenever you went on a school trip
the way you liked to stay up to watch tv and sleep in late if you didn't have to work
and when we were really young, you were always the one who never got sick
the way you always had such a fabulous memory for all those insignificant but all so important childhood memories
and the way you had such an individual music taste, it made me appreciate my own opinion
you were always so responsible and you always knew so much about everything
you were always able to make me laugh
I think about that minor accident sometimes and I feel terrible, the fact that I scared you made me feel worst of all and the fact that it was also the last time we went to the cinema together
and the first few weeks after you moved out I missed you more than I let you know
and I remember being in the car when mum told me what you had, the doctors told her how bad it was going to be and when mum told me in the car it was a painfully sunny day and for some reason I couldn't possibly believe that it could possibly be true
I remember the look on your face when I left for university, I remember that morning because I knew that everything was changing
I remember the times we spent walking together and when I dream you are not in a wheelchair
I knew that you had made this decision for me a long time ago because out of my whole family, you were the only one I could never picture being old